Just wanted to announce that my period arrived last Tuesday, thus I am not pregnant.
I must honestly say that I am relieved, however the relief comes with guilt that in a way, I wished my would-be baby away. I am terrified of the thought that I will someday regret not wanting to have kids now, and in the future no longer be given the chance to do so.
Especially now that since I am not pregnant, then there must be a reason why my menstrual cycle is having irregularities; that there could be something wrong with me; I can only hope that this is not yet my karma, for being open about my reluctance to be a parent.
I can only hope that medical science can help me, and correct whatever it is that is wrong. For now, I will take this incident as a challenge to concentrate on improving myself as an adult.
JG is in Manama right now, assisting with the GMA’s state visit. This is the first time that he left the country for work. He went to Turkey last year where he stayed there for a month courtesy of the Turkish government. JG calls it a study tour, while his friends called the trip a “junket”. He was supposed to go to Qatar last Christmas but opted to stay to avoid the work load he was sure to face there, what he didn’t expect was that since everybody else went, all the work in the office was left with him. Also something, I’m not sure what, happened to his colleagues while in Qatar which somehow lead to him no longer allowed to stay during a state visit to avoid another mishap. So technically, this is his first official out of the country duty.
Whenever JG leaves, is usually the time for me to enjoy either a bit of solitude or time to catch up with friends and family. The problem is I always have this slight paranoia of bad things happening to my loved ones whenever I’m away, Also the fact that JG’s insensitiveness to keep in touch extends to international levels, thus making me not able to fully enjoy my mentioned agendas.
When he was in Turkey for a month I almost went crazy over worrying for him, not to mention that I was experiencing professional issues then, which made things worst. That was almost a year ago and we weren’t married yet back then, so again I was looking forward to things that I can do while he is away; and since he was only going to be away for three days, I thought that there was nothing to worry about.
But, trust JG to make things a little bit more challenging, because he didn’t email me, as discussed that he would, for two days since he left. So for two days, I was having an internal nervous breakdown. And when I worry, I don’t function all that well. I can’t eat, have trouble sleeping and concentrating on my tasks. I wasn’t able to finish my deadline at work yesterday, was not able to enjoy my visit at my Mom’s, and this morning I almost missed my stop at the train station, all because I was too
worried if he’s okay. He probably has a good explanation when I see him tomorrow, but it still pisses me off to think that after all these years, especially now that were married he still doesn’t remember to check in if he’s okay.
I really, really want to give JG a piece of my mind but I promised God that I wouldn’t get mad at JG for being so insensitive and forgetting that I worry. Only if He reminds him to send word that he hasn’t died in his sleep or has been abducted by terrorists. JG sent me a text message this afternoon.